Introduction
In this series I share thoughts on soft skills from daily work and professional certifications—some from my own mistakes, some from others', some from theory. Human relationships run on these skills. This is part one of a series on soft skills in IT; more posts link below as we publish them.
We have different shoes
Privately and professionally I have worked with people from many cultures, with different values, specialties, personalities, and attitudes. Often, even when we work together, we focus so hard on our own task that we struggle to take other people's perspectives.
How many perspectives exist among us? Multiply everyone on the planet by life experience, context, and even what someone had for breakfast—small factors can shift how a colleague shows up today. That number is huge. Treat it, and the people behind it, with respect.
Emotional distance and delayed judgment
Having **emotional distance**—stepping back before reacting—is a practical skill in understanding what others are doing. Our perception is limited; we rarely see full context. Switching to a wider perspective helps: if you think about how many moons Jupiter has, someone's annoying behaviour may feel less personal.
If we can hold emotions at a distance, the mind calms. That can **delay judgment**. We judge constantly—that is how brains work—but pausing before we act on a first read often improves accuracy.
Research on **perspective-taking** shows that considering another person's view does not mean your view was "wrong"; it means both are partial. Neither is the full picture.
We have the same goal
A useful working assumption in groups: we share the same goal during work hours. That does not erase differences—it creates a common frame so egos compete less with outcomes.
In IT, lack of empathy often shows up between developers and QA. I have seen testers hesitate to report bugs directly because past experiences were harsh.
Why would someone react badly to a colleague doing their job? Often it is emotion, not logic. If tester John reports a bug in code Bob wrote, Bob may feel **personally attacked** if he identifies with the code—not with the shared goal of shipping quality software.
Breaking the moment apart helps: How severe is the bug? Where are we on the timeline? What day and hour is it? Are people tired or hungry? Do both people know they share professional goals and separate personal lives?
Your work is not you
In dev–tester dynamics, a developer who is unaware of their emotions may feel offended when they **merge identity with output**. That is understandable—and costly.
Designers often gather deep product knowledge in discovery. Because they meet many stakeholders, they may find it easier to separate self from deliverable—but that is a skill, not a personality type.
Your work is not about you
What matters while collaborating is that work serves **shared goals**. If person A's win is also person B's win, the team moves faster.
Avoid internalising wins and losses as self-worth. Both outcomes are data; **point zero**—neutral observation—is where clearest interpretation usually happens.
Final thoughts
Empathy is a core interpersonal skill. Taking others' perspectives improves your own and shows your view is not the only valid one—nor automatically the most complete.
Respect different viewpoints. Empathy is often more about listening—and truly hearing—than about talking.
If communication styles clash on your team, Empatalk's Communication DNA survey at empatalk.app/survey helps make preferences explicit before conflict hardens.
Soft Skills series
Part 1 of 32. Read more on the Empatalk blog or take the Communication DNA survey at empatalk.app/survey.
Sources and further reading
• Edmondson, A. (1999). Psychological safety and learning behavior in work teams. Administrative Science Quarterly. https://doi.org/10.2307/2666999
• Milton, D.E.M. (2012). On the ontological status of autism: the "double empathy problem". Disability & Society. https://doi.org/10.1080/09687599.2012.710008
• Ross, L. (1977). The intuitive psychologist and his shortcomings. In L. Berkowitz (Ed.), Advances in Experimental Social Psychology (Vol. 10). https://doi.org/10.1016/S0065-2601(08)60357-3